Why I was so mad…

40/100 #SoWillI #Inspired

The other day I had very bad moods, those that make my husband sneak to work; he literally avoids any type of conversations and sometimes even eye contact and sneaks from the house earlier than usual. Good for him, because in such occasions, I would not even want to be near me. “Rawder, are you talking about yourself? The ever jovial lady we see on the streets of social media?” Yes dear, some days are really bad, and I am a normal human being with all emotions and feelings intact. Slowly I am learning to manage them, but for the people who live with me, sometimes they have to experience all my sides. The good, the bad and the moody, (Yeah, the ugly part…not me. I’m always beautiful through each emotion)

So on this particular day, I was so disappointed in myself, I did not want to waste my day being moody, and spill it over to my children. I sat on my bed and said out loud, ‘Rawder, why are you mad? What is really the problem this time? I took my notebook and pen and tried writing down things that might have made me mad:

  1. My husband dozed off last night without saying goodnight and left me soothing the baby? Not really, he was so tired, I don’t think that’s the reason. But he should have stayed thee, we are in this together…hahaha.
  2. One of my good friends lost her grandma and I am not in a position to be there for her physically? I don’t think that would make me so mad, I am always in conversation with her and she is constantly in my thoughts and prayers.
  3. The baby disturbed me all night? No, this is my new normal and I have learnt to cope.
  4. I’m broke? Yes I’m hahaha…but nah, this is not why I am mad. Because I was also broke yesterday and I want this mad. (If you read this and you owe me money, please…hahaha)
  5. You have a tight schedule and you haven’t achieved a lot this week? yes, Yes, YES! This was it!

I was sad because I had so much on my plate and almost no time to achieve. The previous day I had barely ticked anything off my to do list and this new day had a list of its own. Now, knowing what was making me sad made me smile, I wrote, ‘Rawder, really?” I then prayed and asked God for the grace to do what was urgent and important for the day and to relax, because taking care of a baby is already a full time job. Everything else in this season of my life is extra (including writing this..hahaha) That is how I ended up having one of the most fulfilling days ever.

We all have those days, the problem is, many times we are prepared with the popular default answer ‘I am fine’. Most of us are shaped this way, it takes a very close concerned person to know when we are not okay. And even when those ones do, we only answer truthfully if we want to. Then some of us also think its ungodly to confess that we are not okay. I strongly believe admitting that one is not fine is the beginning of getting help: Because these emotions are part of life. We sometimes wake up very happy but end the day very sad; depending on the day’s happenings. So, as you read this, how are you? Is there anything making you sad? You can hide from strangers, you can try hide for those close to you, some of them will even sneak away to avoid trouble, but you can never hide exactly what you are feeling from God. He is aware and willing to help.

In Genesis 4:6 “Then the LORD said to Cain, “Why are you angry? Why is your face downcast?” God knew what he had done, and why he was downcast, but he asked so that Cain would interrogate himself and get a way forward. In Psalm 42:11, David chooses to interrogate himself? ” Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God.”

Why are you disturbed? It is not too petty, it is not too complicated, it is okay to go through the motions of life. But don’t stay there, reach out to God, our hope and strength. He is aware, its up to you now to admit and get a solution. Whatever it is, He can handle it. Take it to the Lord in prayer.


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