Things Have Become Worse!

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My baby turned eleven, I thought the fun is over, now that she is all grown up and has a list of childish things she cannot do anymore. I also thought that those stupid tricks I once wrote about are over. Poor me, she is more clever now. She has over five years of experience and has uncles and aunties who fully support her.

I crave for very cold soda most midnights; I have even walked out of the house at 11pm and gone to buy soda. Most nights my body demands for sprite, I just wake up and all I want is cold sprite. Yes. The unhealthy sodas that people don’t take because of the chemicals. On special occasions all I want is Fanta orange. (I hope my future husband will understand) My daughter knows this very well. She doesn’t like soda much but knows I wake up tiptoe in the dark to grab my midnight beverage.

One of these nights, I knew very well there was only one bottle of sprite left, half filled. (I buy the very tiny ones that are called ‘Mwala’ in my hood) I go back to bed, open it and find myself with a mouthful of water! Sharline! SHARLINE!! How could you? How could you fill a bottle of sprite with water? I wanted to go wake her up, but it was midnight. When I told her in the morning, she burst with laughter, laughed with all parts of her face with tears running down her cheeks. I stood there trying to explain how it is not good for her to prank me. How soda is important for me at night, and she asked ‘Now that you did not take yesterday, are you dead?’

I let it go. Vengeance belongs to the Lord. A few months later, I feel safe again. It was a Fanta orange night; there was this half bottle that had overstayed in the fridge.(I’m the only one who understands the feeling that comes with my sodas) Do you know that when I need it and I can’t find one I might not go back to sleep? Now you know! Some brethren say I need deliverance. Back to my special night, same story, I go grab my mwala bottle and go back to bed. I couldn’t explain what I had filled in my mouth? It was not soda! I spit it everywhere. I was really scared. I thought it had expired, but how?? Could she have poisoned me? Well, I came to find out it was water mixed with orange food colour.

Apart from food pranks, she is always hiding somewhere to scare me. She enjoys seeing me scream, as she says, like a chicken. In short, my life is in danger, sometimes she stares me eating a snack and I get concerned. What have I just eaten? Then she comes asking, did you eat the chocolate that was in the fridge, once I say yes, she laughs so hard, to play with my mind. I spend the whole day waiting for a stomach upset, then she says it’s nothing, I was joking.

Guess what? I am a very happy mother, am glad I have a daughter that can play with me. If pranking me will bring us closer, I am ready to eat stones wrapped up as sweets. Beware! When you visit me, don’t just eat anything you see. You might eat pranks or experiments!

 

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