Lord, I am Blank.

#TreasuredTruth #55Of366 #RawderKidulaKedaha

Today I ‘am blank. Completely blank. I woke up at 2:00 am for ‘Treasured Truth’ because I was too tired to write anything last night. Yesterday was an eventful day and by the time I got home, I was convinced that I only had strength to either shower or eat. So I slept quite early, telling myself I will do this in the morning. Woke up, prayed and asked God ‘what do I write today?’ ‘What does someone need to hear?’ but I went blank. God was not speaking. I started planning my week instead, so as I write this, my to do list is complete, my morning routine is complete and my week’s activities are planned. Then I came back here: Still blank. Until I asked God ‘Why did I start this in the first place?’

I am not a pastor, I have never gone to Bible school, I am not a writer, I still struggle with ‘there’ and ‘their’. Did I really think I could write devotions daily for the entire year? What I’m I even trying to do? If it was really God’s instruction, then I wouldn’t be blank. I would have something to write. God allowed me to ask all my questions, air out all my doubts and give all the reasons why I’ am unqualified. Then I picked my Bible to do some random search, the Bible was already open and my eyes went straight to Philippians 1:6 “being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.” I knew there and then, that it was God telling me, ‘I will finish what I started’

I picked my laptop and here you are, reading today’s devotion. It happens to me many times, questions of doubt, throwing away my confidence, wondering if it was from God or I am out of His will. Will I really interview 50 wives on my YouTube show ’50 years of Marriage?’ God, are people still watching? Where will the production money come from? I am I out of my mind? Can I really make a good wife? I am I a good mother? Should I continue serving in church? I don’t think I have the expertise? Where I am I heading with this investment? All these questions cross my mind and in a way, God always restores my confidence. I still find myself waking up to keep trying. Because God is faithful, He never abandons the work of His hands.

Maybe you are blank, you feel like throwing in the towel. The project is not paying. The work is not bearing fruit. You feel tired and voices of doubt are surrounding you. You wonder if you will make it to the end, if God is really for you. If He really sees what you are going through. Maybe you don’t know what to pray of how to pray any more, you are tired. You have no idea how to take that Bible and keep reading. You are almost quitting that Bible study group, you have been giving towards a mission but it’s not coming back in full measure. The ministry is stagnant. Nothing is making sense. You are blank.

May this verse encourage you too this morning. May it restore your confidence. May you find new strength knowing that your labour in the Lord it is not in vain. May you be assured of God’s faithfulness. Philippians 1:6 “being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.”


6 thoughts on “Lord, I am Blank.

  1. Wow.
    This was me yesterday .
    All the week I have been feeling not qualified and I was supposed to lead my youth fellowship yesterday afternoon.
    I traveled from Njoro to Nairobi asking the se questions if I will do go,of God has reall called me.I even felt not eloquent .
    I was remembering all the verses of those who felt not enough in the Bible but wapi…
    I Even sent an apology to one of my fellow leaders to stand in for me coz I thought I would get they ‘late’
    But who is God,he made sure I arrived to the venue before 80% of the members arrived so definitely the fellowship had not started.
    And I led the fellowship and God came through.
    So yes!I can relate and I am encouraged by this verse.

    Thanks Kidulz

  2. Enyewe with the way those I am are mixed up..??. Thanks girl. I wake up every morning to read this and I always ask myself,, how do you/where do you find all these relatable stories and creativity to weave them to such beautiful teachings. You bless so.many people out here. Kwanza Mimi…eeishh

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